mosker

Pioneer Woman

Okay, you know how people sometimes ask you which famous person (actor, musician, author, politician) you'd like to meet or have lunch with?

Usually my answer is none of them.

It's not that I don't admire or respect these people or think they'd be interesting, but it's more that I am afraid I will discover that they are not who I think they are and I would be disappointed. I could never really see their work in the same way again, and the next time I heard their music or read something they wrote I would be thinking about what a jerk they'd been instead of appreciating their work in quite the same way I had before. And really, how could they possibly be who I think they are? Even the bloggers I read on a regular basis who talk about themselves and their families are not revealing everything about themselves--nor should they if they want to maintain any kind of normal lives or friendships.

What I'm saying is that I generally avoid meeting famous people because I'm okay with knowing only what they want me to know and I don't feel like I have a personal relationship with them just because I'm familiar with their work. What would I have to say to them either? They don't know me from any other fan, and that's a good thing.

Today, however, I went to a book signing by Ree Drummond for The Pioneer Woman Cooks. When my friend and I walked in, we realized we were entering just behind Ree and we both had that moment of Hey! I know her! Thankfully, neither of us blurted out anything ridiculous. There was a good turn-out, but Ree spent time talking to every person in line. They had a seat next to her so everyone could have their photograph taken with the author, and for those people who brought their own cameras, the staff took several shots with those as well. I really didn't have anything in particular to say to her, but she was friendly, and commented that yes, she was pretty much the same as who she seems to be on the site, but more shy. That is certainly how she came across, and it was nice to see that although she is now famous and published, she did not behave as though she was taking any of it for granted. It can't be easy to walk into a room full of strangers, knowing all the attention is on you, and not want to make an immediate exit.

I am delighted to say that I like her as much after meeting her as I did before, and the book is lovely. It's pretty cool that a cookbook author who has already published most, if not all, of the recipes in on her blog can still make the New York Times Best-Seller list.

Congratulations, Ree. I'm glad I didn't have to wait four hours on line for you to sign my book, and thank you for not commenting on my outfit when you did.

That's just not right!

There are just some things that should not be messed with. Like my morning routine. It's not that I'm inflexible. Not completely anyway. It's just that having a morning routine is important. Without it I will never get to work on time, and goodness knows it's pretty darned easy to get me off track in the morning as it is.

Every morning I watch CNN's American Morning. I get my necessary news fix to start my day and I like Soledad O'Brien and Miles O'Brien. They're both smart, funny, and neither are irritating. I like that Miles is a geek and knows lots of useless information and that despite being smart, beautiful, and successful, Soledad seems like someone you'd actually enjoy meeting. The show skips most of the banter and all of the cooking segments, leaving plenty of time for, uh, news.

Except CNN is going to ruin it for me. They are replacing O'Brien and O'Brien with John Roberts and Kiran Chetry. I like Roberts well enough, but he's always struck me as being more of a traditional anchor type. Maybe that's just his CBS background. I have no idea who Chetry is, other than she had a falling out with her  former Fox News Channel bosses.

I know it's all about the ratings, but I am disappointed nonetheless. Maybe if I change my morning routine completely I won't notice that there are no good morning news shows anymore.

Don't blink or you'll miss it

Suzanne is off taking care of her youngster today, so I will jump in and post this: Britney Spears has left rehab.

Wait, wait, you're thinking, I've already heard that! She left rehab and then darted around town collecting buzz cuts and tattoos. Except she reportedly checked herself back into rehab yesterday, and then today checked out again. You'd think with all that money she could afford to buy herself a brain. Yes, that's harsh, but come on...she's starting to make K-Fed look less skeevy. I didn't think that was possible.

My favorite line in the brief news report: "Later, the TV show "Extra" and the Web site TMZ.com said Spears, 25, left the center far short of the usual 45-day stay." Yeah. Just a bit short.

I wonder if anyone in the media feels silly now for having talked smack about Lindsey Lohan's "work release" rehab.

The one where he disappears back into obscurity

Rupert Murdoch has pulled the rug out from under OJ Simpson by canceling both the book and accompanying television special about Simpson's murder of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. Public criticism prompted an apology from the Fox chairman:

I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman. "We are sorry for any pain that his has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson. (link)

And the book, which this morning reached #42 on Amazon's book list, has disappeared from the bookseller's website as though it had never been. We can only hope the Simpson will disappear from public view as quickly.

"If I did it"

You can hardly blame me for having thought it was a joke. After all, the very idea that OJ Simpson would write a book detailing how he killed his wife--if he did, wink, wink--is preposterous. It sounds more like the setup to a bad stand-up comic's joke: "Did you hear about how OJ is writing a book about killing Nicole?" I mean, how many kinds of stupid to you have to be to win an acquittal and then proclaim to the world "Suckers! I killed them!"?

I doubt the revelation will change any minds though. I've heard that the split between those who believe he killed them and those who believe he didn't falls along racial lines, or along gender lines, or even football fans versus football haters. I know someone who insists that there is no way OJ could have killed his wife, but if he did, then he must hired someone to do it. People like that will see the book or watch the interview and shout "Wait! It's fiction! He said IF he did it". People like me, who have long believed he committed the crime, will just say "I told you so". Legally it doesn't matter, because he cannot be tried again.

Although ReganBooks is taking a beating for publishing the book, I'm not shocked someone agreed to the project. An OJ confession? Of course someone's going to print it. (It is already ranked #149 in books at Amazon, by the way.) No, what surprises me is that OJ would risk losing the proceeds from the book to the Goldman family, who have a $33.5 million civil judgment against Simpson. Can he really be that desperate to get back in the public eye? Or did he accidentally look into a water hazard as he scoured golf courses for "the real killer" and shout "Eureka! I told you I'd find him!"

Note: Since I wrote this post last night, the book has moved from #149 to #43 on Amazon's list. And it's still in pre-order.

privacy and respect part 2

Thus says Suzanne...

After Britney's Dateline disaster multiple polls showed that greater than 80% of people had a less favorable opinion of Britney than prior to the interview. 

To refresh your recollection she boo-hooed through the interview about wanting privacy and respect. 

So less than two weeks later she has dyed her hair black and posed naked for one of the glossies she denounced as "trash" during the interview. 

Clearly she has no sense of privacy about her physical self.  Whatever happened to modesty in our culture?  If she wants the paparazzi go to away, how does this help? 

(Oh yes, in an internet poll conducted about the photospread connected with the image here 62% thought she came across as trashy in the images, only 38% thought she looked classy.  I suspect that if the images had not been airbrushed the 38% who thought she looked classy would plummet dramatically.) 

A+

Thus says Suzanne...

Aaaaaaah, yes...here is how it is done!  Tastefully clothed, no chewing gum, no air quotes, and (gasp!) complete sentences.  Lovely in every way. 

Paparazzi out to get the "country" girl

Thus says Suzanne...

Okay, I wasn't going to do another post on the now-infamous Dateline interview but they repeated the episode last night so all bets are off.

It is Mrs. Federline's assertion that the mean paparazzi are always following her around scaring her and that is what makes her do those crazy things with her son (you know, letting him drive the car, the whole car-seat debacle, and nearly dropping him on his head in Manhattan).

She insists she let him drive the car because her daddy let her do it and she's "country" (though I suspect she would spell it kuntree).  Does it mean one is from the south?  Gosh, let's see, famous southern ladies (and moms) with paparazzi following them around...Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Garner and Julia Roberts.  Nope, they're not dropping their babies or letting them drive the car, even with paparazzi following them around.  I can only surmise that "country" is code for white trash.

Let's not limit this to southern ladies.  How about the uber-high-profile new mother Angelina Jolie who with three children (and a rather colorful past) has never been photographed endangering her children in spite of what could easily be characterized as a paparazzi feeding frenzy.

Britney's claim that the paparazzi made her do it is absurd.  Then again, I may have misunderstood her remarks.  After all, between the chewing gum and the incomplete sentences punctuated by grunts and "air quotations" it's hard to know what message she intended to convey.

privacy and respect

Thus says Suzanne...

Because I've made a lot of comments about Britney lately I felt that to be fair I should watch her hour-long interview on Dateline last night.  Nothing I saw or heard during the interview improved my opinion of this woman.

Evidently the main point she wanted to get across was that she wants privacy and respect.

Okay, here goes.  Sigh.  When one desires the aforementioned privacy and respect, one might wish to avoid the following...

Dressing like a pregnant prostitute, wearing a too-tight see-through blouse revealing one's hot pink bra which evidently is at least a full size too small.

Wearing a cut-off denim ultra-mini skirt which barely covers one's nether regions.  Crossing and recrossing one's legs, coming perilously close to showing all things "private" to the viewers.

Wearing false eye lashes, one of which was not applied properly, looking like a lost spider.

Wearing frizzy hair extensions, not using a brush, having a haircolor not found in nature (reminiscent of a color previously only seen in aging Senator's wives in the 1980s).

Smacking gum with one's mouth open like an ill-mannered 13-year-old.

Repeatedly using air quotes to punctuate one's comments.

Madonna

Thus says Suzanne...

Madonna has opened her new tour - blah blah blah - on a mirrored cross - blah blah blah - wearing a crown of thorns - blah blah blah - with backup dancers prancing around with ball gags in their mouths - blah blah blah - save the world - blah blah blah - grabbing her crotch - blah blah blah...BLEEEEEECH!  Hasn't she done this same tired crap like eleventy times now?  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...someone wake me when she retires, okay?   

What the?!?

Thus says Suzanne...

Aaaaaack!  A poll was conducted asking who the sexiest celebrity vegetarians are.  The "sexiest" male was purple guy Prince Artist formerly known as Prince oh you know who I mean (does he even have a name anymore)!  I notice that included in the list of choices was Dan Abrams from MSNBC.  I think the stars must be out of whack or something because there is noooo way purple boy is sexier than Dan Abrams. 

beyond boilerplate

Thus says Suzanne...

Mercy!  This is a cry for help, right?  How is it that a 24-year-old woman worth millions of dollars is walking around Manhattan in this getup?  I know I've made snarky comments in the past about her being dumb but can it really be that simple?  I've thought for a while now that someone should ever-so-gently suggest she wear undergarments but this is soooooooo not what I had in mind. 

We know she is married...where the flip is her loser husband?  Where is her mother?  Her father?  Does she have any friends?  Is there no one in her life who cares about her enough to help her?

I can only speculate as to how she got to this point in her life.  Maybe it was her parents pimping her out as a teenager as sex object.  What happened to her education?  What happened to her self-esteem?  What happened to decency and manners?  Someone close to her (I contend MANY people) let her down.   

This has moved beyond driving with the baby on her lap, having the baby fall out of the high chair and fracturing his skull, driving with the baby in an incorrectly installed baby seat, or almost dropping her baby on the streets of Manhattan while tripping over her own clothing.  The missteps are coming so fast and furious it's kind of like watching an episode of "24."

She needs an intervention, a life coach...she needs (dare I say it?) Dr. Phil.  At this point she seems to be having a paint-by-numbers meltdown...doesn't anyone in her life care enough about her to help her?

Britney boilerplate

Thus says Suzanne...

(editorial note - I'm going to save us all some time and just have a boilerplate document ready for Ms. Spears and her special brand of stupidity.  I predict this is going to come in quite handy.)

Oops, she did it again!  The former pop tart is in trouble again after these photographs were made public.  The has-been singer is once again in the news for _______(insert latest boneheaded thing she has done to endanger her child(ren))_______. 

Her publicist responded by saying _____(Britney is misunderstood/Britney was frightened by the paparazzi/Britney is working on a new album and it's going to be fabulous and different from anything she has done before)______. 

A close friend says _______(Britney and K-Fed are crazy in love and renewing their vows/getting a divorce/breeding again)_______.

Yawn....

Thus says Suzanne...

Yep, she's pregnant again (yawn). 

Gum?!?  She's chewing gum on national television?  Clearly Miss Manners has not played a significant role in Miss Brit's life but sheesh!!!!  That's like manners 101. 

What's that I hear?  Oh yeah, it's the fat lady singing about Britney's career.

Britney breeding again

Thus says Suzanne...

Sigh.  All the gossip world is atwitter about Britney's newest pregnancy.  May I just say I'm not surprised?  Sadly, it is also being reported that Britney has fired her nanny.  Most people don't have any dealings with Child Protective Services, yet Britney and K-Fed have had two reported cases (driving with the baby in her lap, and a skull fracture when the baby fell out of his high chair).  Can we agree that the last thing this child needs is less supervision?  Maybe we should start a campaign to get him a fleet of nannies and bodyguards? 

Why did she get pregnant again so soon (babies will be born about one year apart)?  Could it be that she needs a spare in case she breaks the first one?

Scattershot

Now that I'm back to work after a week's vacation, I feel like I've been working 16 or 18 hour days instead of just 9 or 10. I really don't have to work that long, but sometimes the most productive hour of the day comes after everyone else has gone for the day. The phone rings less, the office is quiet, and I can concentrate. I just need the day to be a few hours longer so I can make a dent.

New gadgets (but not for me): This afternoon I started configuring an ultra-portable laptop (a Toshiba LifeBook P7000 series). They aren't kidding about it being light--I'd guess well under 5 pounds, and the display is really sharp. It has a modular bay like my Dell, meaning you pull out the optical drive (DVD drive) and replace it with an extra battery for extended battery life, but I don't know if I'd want to work with a display that small (10.5"). These two notebooks, however, each have a minor defect in the display--one pixel doesn't work. No, it's not that big a deal, but once someone points it out, it's hard to ignore.

And from the "I had no idea it was so hard find an apartment in New York" file: A husband and wife buy a house together. When they get divorced, he stays in the house, but they remain co-owners of the property. His new girlfriend moves in with him, but then they break up, and she won't move out. The guy then enlists the help of his ex-wife to try to throw the ex-girlfriend out with an eviction notice. The ex-girlfriend can't be evicted because she never paid rent. The guy is trying a different tactic now and the case is scheduled to go to trial. It's over already, move out. That's just creepy. (link)

It would be better if he stopped talking now: Poor Scott Stapp--somebody is picking on him. He's trying to concentrate on his new bride and his solo career, and someone has released a tape of he and Kid Rock, uh, "cavorting" with female fans. Rock and one of the female participants are separately arguing that Stapp is trying to get publicity, while Stapp claims that someone is trying to embarrass him. Hello?! He taped himself particpating in a group sex scene, and neither secured nor destroyed the video. What a dufus. (link)

My eyes! My eyes! Starbucks has a line of coffee cups with quotes from a variety of authors that the company says doesn't necessarily represent the views of the company, but is intended to stimulate conversation. It's apparently worked. At least, people are talking about the reactions of officials at Bob Jones University and Baylor University to one of the quotes, attributed to Armistead Maupin. BJU has cancelled it's contract with Starbucks, while Baylor has asked the Starbucks locations on campus to stop distributing those cups. (For the record, Baylor's library carries items by the author whose quote was so offensive.) Remember, it's very important to shield young minds from dangerous quotes printed on coffee cups. What's the world coming to when children are exposed to new ideas at college?

Whatever you say Officer

Lou Ferrigno is the latest celebrity to join the ranks of reserve officers and deputies. While other celebrity reservists like Shaquille O’Neal stand out in a crowd (get it?...stand out?...'cause he's tall?...never mind), Ferrigno wins the prize for most intimidating. After all, do you really want to hear him say "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."? Yes, I know that was Bill Bixby's line, but the Hulk doesn't have to be green to get my complete and undivided attention.

Or maybe I'm the only one who remembers that show...

Michael Jackson's new wardrobe

Thus says Suzanne...

In a strange way I have to admire Michael Jackson because every time I think he can't possibly get any more bizarre he manages to prove me wrong! 

After being cleared by a jury of molestation charges, poor, pitiful, misunderstood Michael moved to the middle east.  What on earth factored into that bizarre decision?  But, that's not the really strange part.  Mutilated (oops, sorry it's Michael) Jackson has taken to wearing the traditional all-encompassing black robes worn traditionally by the women in his host country.  I find it intersting that so many people hear that story and just assume its because he is eccentric.  However, it occurs to me that in years past he has worn a lot of surgical masks in public which in retrospect seem to coincide with changes to his (never had plastic surgery, except once to help him breathe better) nose.  With the wearing of the heavy robes which (thankfully) cover his face what I wonder is what the heck has he done to himself now that he has to be covered in a black shroud?  Furthermore, I wonder why his children have to wear the black veils...has he had their faces mutilated too?