mosker

Happy, happy, happy!

1. It's Friday
2. The semester is over
3. The wonderful crew who mow my lawn came to do their magic this afternoon.

The ranking of these items may shift depending on when you catch me, but all of them make me very happy.

Although he's been working on my yard for over a year now, I've never met Ron before this evening, and he did not disappoint. They are hardworking, reliable, and very honest about what they can and cannot accomplish. And fast! They got the whole job done in less than a half hour, and I think that includes the time he spent talking to me.

I love those moments when you're able to pause and appreciate those people and things that make life a little better.

One more

I have one more exam this semester and I am so looking forward to having it done. I don't know if I was always this stressed about tests--I don't remember it being this bad, but that might be a bit of revisionism on my part. Either way, I already feel sick to my stomach and am convinced that I didn't prepare nearly as much as I should have. Not that it's possible to anticipate every testing strategy, of course. I am going to toss and turn tonight, worrying about everything from the exam to the sump pump (that thing makes me crazy) to getting the house clean before the Tarts come over on Sunday.

At least, and I'm really grasping at straws here, the test is at 10:30 instead of the normal 2:30 meeting time. That makes it much less likely that my head will explode from the pressure.

When it rains, it pours

I am so frustrated. It is well beyond crunch time trying to get my last assignments finished and turned-in before finals and I have been beset by computer problems. I'm sorry to break this to you, but even people who work with technology for a living have computer problems. We don't like it any better than you do. I don't have time to deal with the broken computer case right now, and I found a temporary work-around for the annoying error message that persistently pops up when I try to use wireless. Now, however, the keyboard is freaking out and I cannot type the letter "u" without purposefully and carefully pressing the key. I don't type with the speed and efficiency of my sister, but this is frustrating enough to have me in tears soon. It only takes a few minutes of typing to realize how many words contain the letter "u".

I have postponed calling Dell for warranty service because I wanted to finish the semester. What is wrong with technology working when we need it anyway?

The next time I lose my mind...

Somebody please sedate me or knock me over the head or something if I ever start talking about taking another degree. Seriously, what could I have been thinking? I am miserable.

Done list

I'm back at work this week, and not surprisingly, I didn't get everything on my to-do list accomplished. That's not particularly shocking considering my ambition exceeded my energy and time. I've decided to take some advice I read recently and think in terms of a "done" list instead of the "to-do" list. After all, who will ever finish all of their to-do's anyway?

• Wrote five papers for school (they were all short assignments, but they still had to be done, and they all start with that clean, white page.)
• Cleaned the kitchen cabinets of expired and soon-to-be expired food
• Re-arranged the contents of the cabinets to get lots of stuff off the counters
• Made homemade ravioli
• Made a rain-barrel (I haven't actually attached it to the down spouts yet, but I'll get there)
• Changed insurance companies for both home and auto insurance (I've been concerned about the level of coverage for my home policy for a couple of years now, so I feel relieved to have this taken care of. My premium is lower and my coverage is better.)
• Did the laundry. Even those throw rugs in the hamper.
• Filed my taxes.
• Replaced the oven hood.
• Learned how to create rotating images for the blog. There's always more to learn--that seemed like a fun place to start.

Yes, yes, there's still lots more to do, but I'm determined not to stress about it, at least for a few days.

Except maybe for that test this week.

Yet another reason why I won't be attending law school

I made a deal with myself. You will make lots of deals with yourself if you choose to continue working full-time while attending grad school. All I had to do today was write six briefs. Six. Piece of cake. Yeah, whatever. I'm still working on my just six briefs. And I'm not happy about it. It might have something to do with my having reached the point of not caring long before the semester is over.

Must.Try.To.Finish.

And I got that question again this week, this time from my new insurance agent. You know, that question I just love, love, love: "What are you going to do with that degree anyway?"

Wound a little too tight

I had a couple of exams this week. Exams always stress me out, no matter how much I prepare ahead of time. The first test was the worst because I wasn't really sure what I should study. I knew the cases, but there was too material to re-read everything, and how would I possibly retain all of the possible details he might ask? I was pretty relieved when I saw the actual exam: 30 multiple choice and choose two out of three essay questions. I had to return to two of the multiple choice, but I was certain that I had missed one, maybe even two. The essays were a snap; I didn't know how much detail he wanted, but I knew I had the right decisions and that I supported those decisions with the correct cases. I felt good.

Turns out I breathed that sigh of relief just a bit too early: I missed not one or two, but five of the m/c questions. Yeah, yeah, this is not really a big deal, but I wasn't feeling that way a couple of days ago. It's not that I'm a perfectionist, but to find out that I did so much worse than I thought just sucks.

And I thought I was crabby about school before.

Looking for the positive

I'm tired and cranky. I have six briefs to write for last week, two exams this week, and my computer is suffering a minor meltdown. It keeps complaining that a device attached to the USB port is not functioning properly. Except there is no device attached to either USB port. I just don't want to deal with it. If I turn the sound off and the box doesn't cover my document, I'll be able to ignore it a while longer. Like maybe nine weeks longer. There are still four weeks until spring break and then another four weeks after. Five weeks after if you count finals week, but I'm going to ignore that particular reality for now, too.

And on the bright side? Well, it was warm enough this afternoon to shed my jacket for the walk to the car and I drove home with the window down.

Trying to take my own advice

Several years ago a new staff member told me that one of the reasons she took a job at the university was so she could work on her degree. After the initial back-and-forth of Oh, that's great! and What do you plan on studying? I warned her that she will sometimes grow frustrated and even be tempted to quit, but when she felt like that, she should find one of the many coworkers who had been through the same thing and talk through it before throwing in the towel. She listened politely, but her facial expressions made it clear that she thought I was full of hot air. Maybe that's how I felt, her attitude suggested, but she was different and that would never happened to her. Months later this coworker came to me, quite chagrined, and admitted that she was tired and frustrated and wanted nothing more than to quit school and go back to her normal life. We talked about it and I convinced her not to make such a major decision during the stress of the semester. Finish the term, I said, and see how you feel after you've had a break. I'm not taking credit for the fact that she finished, of course, but I was glad I could be there for her.

I'm trying to remember that advice right now, because I've hit that breaking point even earlier in the semester than usual. I want to be able to zone out in front of the television without feeling guilty about all the homework I'm avoiding. I want to plan what I'm going to do in the yard this year. I want to take vacation days for something fun instead of writing whatever paper is due. I want to spend time with my friends without the homework clock ticking away in my head. I want to stop and look at the clouds and think about the best way to take pictures of the random bits I encounter over the course of the day. And let's be serious here--I don't have any illusions that my scholarship will make some major contribution to my academic field, or that I'll score the job of a lifetime by finishing a graduate degree. If I'm really fortunate, I'll be able to hack out huge chunks of my thesis and rework it for publication in some academic journal.

This is my last semester of coursework. After this session the only obstacle that remains is writing my thesis, meaning I am both so close and so far. Yes, many other people have accomplished for more than a master's thesis with far less whining, but this is such a solitary endeavor, and I'm tired. The world is not going to come to a crashing halt if I decide that I don't want to finish, but I would be disappointed in myself. No one wants to think of themselves as a quitter. I've lost sight of why I ever signed on for this and today the fear of being a quitter is the only thing that's keeping me going.

Spring Fever

The beautiful weather we've had for the past couple of days has brought on a serious case of spring fever. I'm not generally a spend-the-day-working-in-the-yard kind of person, but instead of papers and cases, I've had yard work on the brain. I spent as much time staring out of the window on Sunday as I did reading; my head was full of ideas about how I can turn my yard into one I'll be proud of. In my mind's eye I already have replaced my deck with a flagstone patio and created a garden with raised beds. The beds are going to be raised just in case I don't get any younger. Unfortunately I haven't decided on the rest of the yard (or the front yard, for that matter), but as the actual work takes much longer than the planning, I'm not in a rush.

I may not be able to get started on transforming my vision into reality just yet, but I did take a little step in the right direction today by signing up for next month's rain barrel class at Powell Gardens. My friend Linda and I have been talking about going for a few years now, and the timing has finally worked out for both our schedules. Powell Gardens has a lot of classes--if this one proves useful I'm going to pick a few more to fill in the numerous gaps in my gardening know-how.

There's no point in getting too excited about the unseasonably warm temperatures anyway. The long range forecast has the temps dropping at the weekend with the possibility of more snow early next week. Soon though.